See the great apes of Borneo!

Last week our ship pulled into SepangarBay in Malaysia on the island of Borneo, and we were able to have our first liberty port visit since December. For many years, the curriculum at the U.S. Naval War College has included a project where the students have to plan a hypothetical invasion of Borneo in order to liberate the island from a hypothetical aggressor. Having already taken this class as part of the masters degree I’m working on, I was amused to see some of the roads, mountains, forests, villages, and cities whose place on the map I had learned so well in the course of that project.

A big group of us stayed at a luxury resort hotel on the beach at the outskirts of the city of Kota Kinabalu. The first day off the ship we relaxed at the hotel’s fabulous pool before heading back into the heart of town for a Chinese steamboat dinner buffet (think fondue but with broth instead of oil). I ate some jellyfish, which tasted exactly like squid. I think I also ate some undercooked chicken, but I won’t dwell on that here. After dinner, we went back to the resort and did a mini pub crawl of the bars at the resort. I was able to get reacquainted with that Asian favorite, Tiger Beer, which gives you Tiger Strength (you know…for punching people). Finally, luxury of luxuries, I got to sleep in a real bed for the first time in the year 2012. My lower back didn’t know what to do with itself! There is no comparison between the agony of sleeping in a Navy rack and the feeling of having a real mattress/box-spring combo underneath you. It was glorious.

My second day off the ship was Sunday so we took a taxi to the Sunday Market in downtown Kota Kinabalu. It was a long line of tiny booths set up in a street that was closed to traffic. The people in the booths were all selling pretty much the same mix of food, clothes, knickknacks, and the occasional puppy. After the market, we took a bus to our hotel’s sister resort where they have a small nature preserve that seeks to rehabilitate orangutans. For sixty Malaysian ringgit (about twenty U.S. dollars), we got to watch an orangutan feeding. We got really close to the apes and a couple times I had to stand back to avoid being pooped on. After the orangutan tour, we went to a little bar on the beach, which is called the Sampan Bar because the bar itself is shaped like a little boat. We had a couple drinks and played a game called pétanque that involves throwing balls into a sandpit (think bocce). The bartender, a friendly guy named “Macgayver”, told us about a nightclub in Kota Kinabalu that he said would be fun to check out. I lunched on a Malaysian noodle soup called laksa before getting on the bus that took us back to our hotel just in time to go to the Sunset Bar and feast on the dazzling sight of the sun setting over the South China Sea. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant at our resort and then took a taxi to the waterfront area of Kota Kinabalu to find the nightclub Macgayver had recommended to us. It was a pretty low-key night of drinking Tiger Beer and watching a local band play covers of American songs. And of course the night ended with another glorious stretch of sleep on a real bed.

The next day, we relaxed on the hotel grounds until it was time to check out. Then we went downtown and ate lunch at a different hotel. I had a Cantonese egg-noodle soup that was supposed to have eggs, chicken, shrimp, and squid in it. I found everything except the chicken, but maybe that was for the best. After lunch we went to a mall to play video games in an Asian-style arcade and to see Tim Burton’s new movie “Dark Shadows”. The movie was entertaining, but I was disappointed to discover that this theater sold only caramel popcorn. I wonder if all theaters in this part of the world do that or if this theater just happened to be out of butter. Who knows? Anyway, after the movie we went back to the ship, which got underway the next morning.

The day after we got underway, the command ordered its annual ship-wide urinalysis sweep – everybody onboard had to pee in a cup to be tested for drugs. I can see the logic behind doing a command sweep on a bunch of Sailors and Marines who have just had their first liberty port call in five months. I’m just glad I didn’t have to arrange the logistics of the drug test. I have no idea how they handled that many cups full of pee. We must have bathtubs’ worth of the stuff onboard now.

Lastly, here’s a picture of me and Duffy, chillin’ at the resort:

Frivolity at sea

One way you can tell this ship is pointed away from war and toward home is that day-to-day life onboard has started to oh-so-slightly resemble life onboard a cruise ship. Last Friday we had a Bingo night and we got to drink cold O’Doul’s, otherwise known as “near-beer”. The next day we had a movie night and more O’Doul’s. With that much near-beer flowing, I was having near-fun.

Also, our Sundays are back to being Sundays. One day out of every week we have a “holiday routine” during which reveille is one-hour later than usual and we try to shorten the schedule to the maximum extent possible, holding over what work that can wait until the next week. That’s also the day we have church services and a bigger “brunch” meal in place of lunch. Back when we were in the Middle East, we had our holiday routine on Saturdays in order to conform with the workweek of the higher headquarters ashore in Bahrain because the weekend in Bahrain (and much of the Middle East) is Friday and Saturday – Sunday is a normal workday. So Sunday has been my Monday for the last five months. But now that we’re out of the Middle East, our holiday routine and church are back to Sunday. That’s just one more way of feeling like we’re moving away from deployment and closer to the real world.

Two days ago was also a very special and frivolous day as we dipped down to zero-degrees latitude. There is an old ceremony called “Crossing the Line” that the U.S. Navy borrowed from the British Royal Navy hundreds of years ago. It’s a kind-of Saturnalia at sea that’s held whenever a naval ship crosses the Equator. During the ceremony the Captain relinquishes command of the ship to King Neptune, and the sailors onboard who have never crossed the line before – Slimy Pollywogs – are subjected to a cleansing ritual at the hands of the sailors who have, the Trusty Shellbacks. Once the cleansing is complete, the former Wogs rejoice in their new status as Shellbacks and all hands lay belowdecks for a taco lunch. (I’m not sure if that last bit is part of the ceremony in every ship, but it should be. That taco hit the spot after a long morning of vigorous cleansing.) I won’t say much about the ceremony itself, but I will say that one of my favorite parts of the day was seeing how creative some of the Shellbacks got with their costumes. Prior to the ceremony, we Wogs awaiting judgment had been encouraged to decorate T-shirts to augment the Pollywog Uniform. On the front of my shirt I wrote “Judge Wog” and drew the scales of justice. On the back of my shirt, in a reference to both my job as a legal advisor and my penchant for bawdy humor, I wrote “Now THAT’S Crossing the Line!” The ceremony was a blast and I’m glad I got to do it. Becoming a Shellback had been on my “bucket list” for years.

Yesterday we had another farewell ceremony, this time for two department heads who will be transferring soon. Once again I served as M.C. Instead of a stand-up-comedy format, this one was more of a game-show format where we divided the group in to two teams to play a modified version of “Apples to Apples” using prompts I wrote to make the teams guess things about the people who are departing. It was a lot of fun because everyone got to participate and the jokes came spontaneously from the gameplay itself instead of from a rehearsed routine.

These days, the conversation on everybody’s lips is what we’re going to do during our upcoming port calls. People are making plans, booking hotel rooms, and signing up for tours. Unlike the working ports visits we had in the Middle East, the primary agenda-item in these ports will be to go out in town and have as much fun as we can without destroying the place or assaulting any host-nation citizens. I can’t wait.

Eastbound and down!

Last week, after five months in the Middle East, we crossed out of the Fifth Fleet Area of Responsibility. We’re currently eastbound, on our slow voyage home. Now that we’re no longer in Fifth Fleet, there are not as many restrictions on what I’m allowed to write home about. I still can’t tell you a lot about what we did out there, but I can fill you in on some of the day-to-day details.

A toast at the farewell for the old boss.

In February we had a change of command – my boss went on to his next assignment and we got a new boss. It’s a naval tradition to have a somewhat informal gathering of the officers to say “goodbye” before the formal ceremony, so we decided to do a roast of our outgoing boss. I got to use my hidden comedic talents and serve as M.C. for the roast, which went very well if I do say so myself. There was a delicious cake on the day of the formal ceremony. It happened to be my birthday, so I just pretended the cake was for me.

There used to be lots of drinking on naval ships. The crew drank rum every day and the officers had wine. But those days are long gone, sort of. The last vestige of the drinking-while-sailing tradition in the U.S. Navy is “beer day.” After 45 days underway, under certain circumstances, all the 21-and-over sailors onboard are allowed to drink two cans of beer. We hit the 45-day mark in February, and that beer was cold and good.

After about 70-some days underway, we went to Manama, Bahrain for a 10-day port visit. There weren’t a ton of sights to see, but it was a very relaxing time. I got to sleep in, eat good food, enjoy the occasional beverage, and even see a movie in a real movie theater. I also got to haggle with Arabs over jewelry and scarves, which was an interesting experience.

In March, I had an article on the law of armed conflict and military ethics published in Armed Forces Journal. Also in March, we reached the four-month mark of deployment, which is when people’s patience starts wearing thin.

In April, the highlight was a sunrise Easter service in the hangar deck. It was the second Easter in a row that I have spent working for the Navy away from my family. That was rough, but the ship had an Easter feast that was amazing! We’re talking ham, prime rib, lobster, mashed potatoes, and cake.

On top of a dune at Wadi Rum Protected Area in Jordan.

Not long after that, we pulled in to Aqaba, Jordan for a 4-day port visit. We were very limited in what we were allowed to do. Most people just sat on the pier and drank warm beer. But I was able to go on one of the few tours that was offered, to Wadi Rum Protected Area, which is kind of like the Jordanian equivalent of a National Park. It looked like a National Park you would see in Arizona: a sandy desert with fabulous rock formations jutting out of an otherwise flat plain. We got to go on an off-road tour, as well as some hiking and climbing over the dunes and rocks. It was okay, but I was happy to get back underway.

For Cinco de Mayo, we had another amazing holiday meal onboard – it was the mother of all taco days. Speaking of mothers, I also got to add Mothers Day to the list of holidays I’ve missed on this deployment.

And that about brings you up to speed. I’ve been doing gratifying work out here, and my shipmates are a great group of people. I miss everyone back home, of course, but this was exactly the experience I was hoping to have when I joined the Navy.

Throughout it all, Angelina has been sending me great care packages and nice emails, which has helped me get through it all and keep up to date on what’s going on with her and the baby back home.

Before I left, I told Gabby that I would bring the Duffy teddy bear with me on my port calls. In the Navy we like to “capture the data” by putting every little thing that happens in a PowerPoint slide, so I made a Duffy slide for Gabby, showing me with Duffy at Trader Vic’s tiki bar in Bahrain and at Wadi Rum in Jordan. Here’s that:

Capturing the data about Duffy’s exploits in the Middle East.